


Brand New Beginning

by blurryjace



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Death, FTM Reader, M/M, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Sexual Harassment, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Reader, Unwanted Sexual Advances, Violence, definitely that yeah, dunno, maybe smut at some point, not really rape but, probably death at some point, trans reader - Freeform, will update tags as i update fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-09 17:11:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11109093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurryjace/pseuds/blurryjace
Summary: Negan takes a liking to Carl's friend but has a lot to learn about him. Negan has never had an issue hurting or killing younger ones before but something about this one makes him hesitate. This one is different.And he fucking hates it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Negan wasn't the type of guy to give a shit. If something didn't benefit him, he had no issues pointing it out and ending his association with it. Usually "ending an association" with someone meant ending their life but Negan is deadass bisexual and I'll be damned if I don't write any fic about that shit. Reader is a trans male (ftm). I wanted to write a more realistic fic because all the Negan/Reader fics I've bothered to read write him where he cusses every other word and he's oddly kind to the reader for no reason seemingly?? He just decides he likes this one and is very kind and reader seems to resist for two seconds before being like "ok daddy. let's fuck."  
> Basically I wanna avoid the Mary Sue type of fics and I want this to be realistic. Also trans male reader inserts are so rare I gotta write this for all my fellow trans dudes out there. I see y'all.  
> **This is all set prior to the Season 7 finale okok but it'll have spoilers for that season.**  
> Here y'all go. I hope you enjoy!

_Sunday, 10 AM_

The only reminder of when a week passed was the church service held every Sunday. Everyone else was usually huddled into the small church by this time but you and Carl opted to stay behind and take care of Judith for the past few weekends. She didn't really like it inside of the church, probably because it got really hot and stuffy in there really quickly. She'd always end up throwing a fit not even half way through the service. Rick would have watched her by himself but his mind is so scattered and focused on other things now. Even though he was home, he asked Carl to look after her. You, being Carl's closest and only friend, so graciously offered to help as well.  
  
So the two of you were here, sitting in the living room playing with Judith. There were rare occasions where everything felt calm for once, where you could forget about everything that went to shit for just a little while. This was one of those occasions. Judith and Carl's laughter filled the room and for a moment, you could almost pretend that things were normal again. That you weren't inside a fortress that kept out thousands of undead dead people who could kill you at any second. As if there wasn't a dictator always watching now. Pretending things were good for a few seconds kept you sane sometimes.

However, this moment didn't last as long as you would have liked and was interrupted when the squeaks of the gate opening and the screeches of car brakes outside alerted Rick, who quickly turned to speak to Carl. It could only be one thing; another one of Negan's surprise visits.

“Take Judith upstairs and stay up there. All of you. Am I clear?”  
  
Carl didn’t answer as he stood up and got Judith, handing her to you before Rick raised his voice, clearly becoming agitated with his son's resistance, “I said _am I clear_?”

“Crystal clear, sir.” You took it upon yourself to answer before anything escalated. A family fight was the last thing you needed, especially with Negan here.

Rick nodded at you before warning, “Watch him, y/n. You boys stay upstairs with Judith until I come get you. If something goes wrong,-”

Outside, Negan’s obnoxiously loud voice could be heard asking for Rick.

Rick didn’t hesitate another moment before he turned and walked out the door. You grabbed Carl’s arm and dragged him upstairs, knowing he wouldn’t go if someone didn’t force him.

It wasn’t that Rick was trying to hide Carl. Negan already knew Carl and was really fond of him. Not that Carl felt the same towards him. But he wasn’t being hidden. No, Carl being upstairs was for his own safety. He got too ballsy sometimes, talking back to and even threatening Negan. For the most part, Negan found it charming and respected Carl for standing up to him but sometimes, he didn't. It was hard to tell what his reaction would be every time Carl did it. It was a game of luck and chance. Rick didn't like playing that game and neither did you. This was to avoid testing the chances any more than they had already been tested.

As far as Judith and you going upstairs, that was Rick trying to hide you and keep you both safe. Although Negan knew about Judith and liked her too, Rick would keep her away from him as much as he could. Negan didn’t know you though. Had no damn clue you existed really. And that was on purpose. Rick had treated you like his own son since the day Carl introduced you to each other. He was just happy to see Carl finally bonding with someone and there was no way in hell he’d let anything happen to that, anything happen to you. You were closer to Carl in an entirely different way, closer than he could ever be and he needed you for that reason. If he could keep you and Carl safe, he would. So upstairs the three of you went.

Which brought you to here and now; babysitting two people upstairs. Your only tasks were trying to keep Judith quiet and trying to keep Carl upstairs. Judith was much easier, sitting in her crib and holding one of her stuffed animals close as she stared at it in awe. More of your focus was on Carl, who sat on the floor near the crib just like you, except his back was leaning against it, his eyes focused on the door.

It was working for a while. It was pretty quiet in comparison to some of Negan’s other visits. Given you had never actually really seen or met Negan. You only ever heard his voice while you were hidden in various places. Although you never encountered him yourself, you had heard a lot about him from everyone but mostly Carl.  
  
You prayed this visit would be quick. Negan would get his supplies, fuck with Rick, poke fun at some person and threaten another, and leave. According to Carl, that was Negan's bare minimum although it was rare for it to be quick. But maybe this time would be different. He might get what he wanted and just leave. For a minute, you truly believed that was possible.

That fever dream was quickly destroyed when the front door swung open, slamming against the wall, and was followed by Negan’s booming voice.  
  
“Where’s my favorite cyclops at? Tell you something Rick; your son is a whole lot less of a bitch than you are. Your son wouldn’t hide like a coward….unless his prick dad told him to. Ain’t that right, Carl?”  
  
  
Carl began to stand up but you yanked his arm down, causing him stumble back to the floor. It was an attempt to remain hidden but Negan heard the noise upstairs and smirked at Rick. He knew someone was up there now.  
  
  
“Rick got you hiding upstairs? Cannot believe that you, the future serial killer who took out my men with a machine gun, hiding upstairs. I thought you were a badass, Carl. I thought I told you to not be scared of me. It's disappointing as shit.”  
  
  
Carl stood up again, making a show of his anger by walking towards the door loudly, practically stomping his feet.  
  
“Carl don’t!”

He wasn’t listening. Of course, he wasn't. You had to act fast before he did something stupid. You stood up and grabbed his arm, yanking him back down again. And once again, he fell onto the floor with a loud thump, looking up at you bewildered.  
  
“Y/N what the hell are you doing-”  
  
“Saving your life. Keep quiet and stay up here or I swear to God Carl, if Negan doesn't kill you, I will.”  
  
“Like hell you are! I’m not letting you go down th-”  
  
“Shut up!” You said in a hushed but harsh tone, “You’ve got this all backwards. _I_ am the one who is not letting _you_ go down stairs. If you leave Judith alone and something happens, it’ll be your fault. So I'm not asking you, I am telling you to stay up here with her and keep her safe until Rick comes and gets you.”  
  
“I'm-”  
  
“Stay. Here.”  
  
You quickly walked out of the room before he could protest any further. Yes, the guilt trip using Judith was a low blow but it’s the only thing that could possibly keep Carl up there. Although it didn't guarantee his obedience, you had to at least try. Carl’s only true weakness was his family and you didn’t enjoy exploiting that but you had to in this case. You had to stop him from doing stupid so instead, you decided you'd do it instead. You'd rather it be you than him. That's what you kept telling yourself as you exited the room and made your way downstairs.  
  
Rick heard footsteps walking down the upstairs hall and coming down the stairs. His fists clenched as he felt his anger rise already, expecting to see his son coming down the stairs despite being told not to. But when he lifted his gaze and saw you, you couldn’t quite pinpoint his expression. Shock was a part of it for sure but there was something else. Disappointment? Anger? Fear? It could have been all of the above but you hadn't looked at him long enough to figure it out. You shifted your focus to Negan, meeting his gaze as if you didn't fear him at all. You had to admit if you were in any other situation than the current one and didn't know jack shit about him, he'd be a fairly good looking older guy. But you were in the current situation. Negan was this dictator who had changed Rick and changed Alexandria. He killed people without any remorse as if it was nothing but a casual hobby. Knowing all of this, the sight of him made you sick. You began to regret coming downstairs after all but it was too late. Negan had seen you for the first time and was immensely intrigued. 

“Well well well! Who is this?”  
  
“Y/N.” You answered quickly, not wanting to spend more time with him than necessary.  
  
The smile Negan wore was supposed to instill fear and that it did. But you’d be damned if you ever showed him that. You couldn’t. If you did, Carl would come running down here to try and “save the day.” Negan’s eyes scanned over your entire body, it was difficult to tell if he was sizing you up or checking you out. He turned back to Rick.  
  
“Rick, why have you never introduced me to this fine young lady-”  
  
“He’s not a lady.”  
  
Negan turned back to you, eyebrows raised, seemingly genuinely surprised. His eyes once again scanned your body, stopping at your chest specifically. You were grateful to have kept your binder throughout all this time. You knew you didn't pass as male super well and weren't surprised by his response when he stared for a moment longer before asking,   
“You sure?”  
  
Your knuckles went white as your fists balled up at your side. A quick glance at the glare you were giving him answered his question. He raised his free hand defensively, the other hand holding onto his bat,“Ok ok! If that’s what you say. I am truly sorry.”  
He wasn’t.  
  
He took a few steps closer to you until there were only mere inches between you. It was hard to stand your ground when you had to look up at him but you didn’t let it stop you. You glared up at him, his smile permanently plastered on his face.

“What you’ve got going on down there is none of my business,” He said before he leaned in closer to you, whispering so only you could hear his continuation, “Unless you want to make it my business.”  
  
  
He stood up straight again and winked at you before speaking again as if nothing had happened but Rick saw the look of disgust you had. He knew Negan crossed a line but what could he do about it? What could anyone do about it?  
  
“I haven’t seen a pretty boy like you in a while. They’re all dead now. Too weak, too fragile, too soft. Real soft. I swear their skulls break quicker than others. They turn into mush. Just like that!” He snapped his fingers to emphasize the last part. His let out a deep throaty laugh. Did he genuinely find himself funny and entertaining? No one else but him laughed. You already could tell what kind of person he was based on this unfortunate interaction and you realized Carl wasn't exaggerating anything he told you about this guy. He was batshit insane. 

  
His voice drew your attention back to him again,  
“But not you, huh? What makes you so different from them? Was it luck? Or did good ol’ papa Rick play the hero and save you?”  
  
  
“Leave him alone.”  
  
  
“Rick! For fucks sake, have some manners, will you? We are having a conversation.”

 

Rick looked down towards the floor, immediately obeying Negan’s command. This was the first time you had seen just how much power he had over Rick. Carl was always mad at his dad for "being Negan’s bitch" as he put it and he had ranted about it a lot but you hadn’t seen it until now. Carl wasn’t kidding. You had never seen Rick willingly bow down to someone’s whims like this. What could possibly be different about Negan? He seemed like a flamboyant version of past enemies, none of which had this much of an effect on him. Your eyes were trained on Rick, glaring at him in shock. He had a gun on his waist. He could end this all right now. He could free everyone from this dictatorship but here he was just sitting there doing absolutely nothing about it.  
  
"Now answer me.”

  
Once again, Negan’s voice demanded your attention. You let out a deep sigh, making it clear you were getting real tired of whatever game he was playing.  
  
“Neither. If I was lucky and if anyone had the balls to save me, I wouldn't be talking to you right now.” The obvious jab at Rick was a cheap shot and was uncalled for but you couldn't help it. Your anger was speaking for you at this point.  
  
  
“Well god damn.” The grin on his face had only grown before he turned back to Rick, “Yknow what? I’m taking this one with me. But next time? I wanna see _your_ boy. Do me a favor and tell him-”  
  
  
“Tell me what?”  
  
  
“Son of a....” you spoke under your breath when you all turned and saw Carl, standing at the top of the stairs.

  
“I was gonna say I missed you today but it appears I need not miss you anymore," he motions his bat towards me, using it to point at me when he asks, "This your little  
friend?”  
  
  
Carl nodded, “Yeah, _my_ friend.”  
  
  
“Mine now."

Carl opened his mouth to try and fight but Negan saw it coming and shut it down right away.  
  
"Before you argue, remember that your dad agreed to give everything to me. Everything you own and everyone here; it's all mine. Just because I don't take them all doesn't mean they aren't still mine. And hey! I get it! You're worried about your friend but I'm a more than reasonable guy. I’ll bring him back to visit sometimes. Maybe we can have a family dinner every now and then! You like spaghetti?”  
  
  
He turned to you, waiting for your response but you refused to acknowledge his question. His whole demeanor pissed you off. The way he walked in here as if he owned the place. As if you hadn’t fought long and hard to earn your place here and establish some semblance of a society again. He walked in here as if it was all his doing. He took credit for all the good and blamed someone else for the bad. He was the epitome of a self-righteous insecure lonely waste of life. Everything he did

Every little thing he did pissed you off. Thinking over all of this made your anger seethe within you and before you could stop yourself, you had punched Negan. He took a few steps back in shock before he checked his mouth for blood.  
  
“That’s one hell of a right hook for a pipsqueak like you! God damn!” He said, staring at the little bit of blood staining his fingers.   
  
  
Rick and Carl were both staring in horror, terrified of what might happen next. You would be too if you weren't kind of proud of yourself for actually busting his lip open. It wasn't a major injury but it was a small open wound and you had caused it.   
  
....You hurt Negan. The reality began to set in and you felt your stomach fill up with dread.  
  
But he didn’t move to harm you immediately and you felt a spark of hope in you. Maybe he’d just leave you there? Maybe he didn't think you were worth the trouble anymore.  
He looked away from you to smirk at the others but you could tell it was different. His smile was forced now, his eyes dark with agitation. There was no way in hell he was leaving you behind.  
  
“He’s got some balls like you, Carl. Maybe even a little bigger. I like it, don’t get me wrong but I am not in the fucking mood today.”  
  
He turned back to you before raising his fist, "I'm real sorry about this."

Both Carl and Rick yelled for him to stop but he didn't listen. His fist came down on your left cheek and suddenly everything went black.


	2. Rather Die Than Do It Your Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So he's punched you and kidnapped you. It's not the best nor the smoothest start to any friendship but it's a good glimpse into whats to come. Lucky you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok first of all, y'all gotta google a box truck. Ok. Look at the images for that. That's the type of truck I'm finna be talking about in this chapter. Okay. It's so hard to describe vehicles and shit. I'm so tired and have honestly just posted this chapter out of exhaustion. I've been editing it for weeks and I still don't like it  
> but tbh shout out to Winslow for reading it before I posted it and helping me fix some stuff. He's the homie. God bless. Ok. I feel like this chapter isn't the best and is sorta short but pls take it,, for it is the best I can offer rn.

Upon regaining consciousness, a wave of pain struck you. The cheek under your left eye throbbed in pain, thanks to Negan. Your hand lifted up to feel how swollen it was, the tips of your fingers barely brushing against the sensitive skin out of fear of agitating the already sore area. For how hard he had hit you and for how much it hurt at the moment, it wasn’t as swollen as you had feared. The lack of pain your light touch had inflicted made you a little cocky, allowing yourself to apply more pressure as you felt your cheek again.

You immediately hissed in pain, pulling your hand away from your face. Ok wow. Bad idea. That hurt like all hell.  
Ok so maybe that wasn’t one of the best ideas you had ever had. But on the bright side, that sudden pain combined with a few more blinks to unblur your vision and you were now 100% awake. Sorta.

Whenever you woke up, it was instinct to yawn and stretch. It was almost like if you didn't do it, had you really woken up yet?  
It was so mandatory in fact, that it wasn’t within your conscious efforts to control it. Your body just decided it would get the routine done with. The first yawn was begging to be let out despite the ache in your rib cage screaming at you to not even try to release it. Regardless, your body needed you to yawn, at this moment. Immediately. It was entirely out of your control when your lungs tried to expand despite the resistance of the binder material and though your ribs ached and pleaded for you to stop, you finally managed to force the yawn out. Kinda hurt but nevertheless the first part of the routine was accomplished.   
  
Judging from the searing pain in your chest, a good stretch might help your lungs and ribs get a momentary break from the binder’s constant pressure. As your head lifted, a loud crack sounded from your neck. Pain struck down your spine for a second but was soon replaced by the bliss of the tension between your vertebrae being released. Of course, you were still sore but you felt the tiniest bit better. It was a feeling the rest of your body craved.

Arching your back allowed you to get a few more satisfying pops within your lower back and you couldn’t stop the small smile and slight groan of pleasure that escaped your mouth. The second part of the routine: done.  
  
Having been occupied with the various aches and pains in your body, you hadn’t taken in your surroundings until this moment. You were only alerted when the car bounced after hitting a bump in the road, causing you to let out a fairly pathetic sounding yelp. Ignoring the embarrassment of that less than manly scream and naturally curious, your eyes searched for what caused the bump, using the car’s side mirror to look at the road behind you.

The road behind you....  
You had already understood you were in a car and the bruise on your cheek had already explained how you ended up there but there was one thing you hadn’t checked yet. Which one of Negan's brainwashed disciples was driving you?

The paranoia of what his people might do to you set in and you had to think of a plan. How the hell would you get yourself out of this one?

You began to mentally map out a plan, _"Ok ok, just think. Think before you act. What's the smartest way to approach the situation?"_  

The most logical thing you could do was size up whoever Negan chose to drive you.  Whether it was one of his ruthless men or one of his cut throat women, they’d be fairly strong and would have a nice amount of weapons on hand. Although…..whoever it was, they clearly didn’t seem to view you as much of a threat considering they must have just watched you yawn and stretch for a solid five minutes. Sure, you weren’t a natural born killer like some of them seemed to be but you weren’t opposed to hurting someone if need be.

Finally mustering up the courage to turn your head and look at the whoever the driver was, your eyes fell upon….Negan?

Negan, the asshole himself, sat in the driver's seat, one hand on the steering wheel, the other hanging out of the driver side window to his left. It seemed he hadn’t noticed you were awake yet? Or maybe he was just ignoring you because he frankly didn’t care.

The fact that the latter was possible pissed you off. Ignoring his own hostage was poor hospitality and just plain rude at that point. You were about to clear your throat to demand his attention when suddenly an entirely separate realization hit….

He hadn’t restrained you at all. Not your wrists, not your ankles. Nothing. You were just sat in the passenger seat as if you hadn’t punched him a couple hours ago as if this was a friendly outing together. It was an extremely stupid decision on his part. Your eyes focused on your wrists as you held them out in front of you, examining them. In fact, he looked like he had barely touched you. Had he just thrown- no, placed you into one of his trucks and left you there while he finished looting Alexandria? Or had he left right after that punch? Maybe the lack of restraints was because he assumed you’d be passed out the entire way back or that you would be too scared to try something like that again but that’s pretty damn cocky of him to just assume. Still, it was hard to believe he hadn’t taken any precautions. Was he just cocky or was he genuinely stupid?

“Sleeping Beauty finally awakes, huh? Welcome back, princess.”

Sleeping Beauty? Despite knowing it was just a common phrase, you did not want to be called the name of a literal Disney princess _._ And as if the name wasn’t enough, he had to call you princess just to really push it, didn’t he?Hearing it made your gut wrench and you cringed. You are not a girl, and certainly not a princess.

“Don’t call me princess,” I spat back at him. He didn’t even flinch. In fact, he was acting as if he hadn’t heard you at all and was still smirking that stupid egotistical smirk of his.

Just the sight of that shit-eating grin was enough to make you snap. A familiar hatred was welling up within you and before you could stop yourself, you acted on impulse again; You threw all your weight at him, hitting as hard as you could after having just regained consciousness. You were on your knees on the seat next right next to him, punching his face and chest mostly. He was trying to stop you with one hand and kept the other on the steering wheel. He cussed and yelled at you to stop but you were seeing red. You just wanted to hurt him. And you did. During your attempts to gain more leverage and stability, you moved your knee and accidentally kneed him in the crotch. That’s when he really lost it.

He cursed aloud and pulled over, the car loudly screeching to a stop.

His grip was easily secured on your wrists, seeing as how he was significantly stronger than you and could hold you in place with a bit of effort. It was purely silent and when you looked at him, his smile was completely gone. It was the first time you had seen his obnoxious humorous facade drop and although you hated to admit it, it struck fear into you.   
  
“You are either going to behave or you die. You’ve got options, kid. Do _not_ make me choose for you.”   
  
There was no way he was serious. Had he really thought you would listen to him as if you had an ounce of respect for him? You may have been scared, sure but not enough to listen to his warning. You spat in his face, smirking to yourself because you assumed that was probably one of the few times someone disobeyed him. You expected him to be pissed. You wanted him to be seething honestly but to your surprise and dismay, he laughed as he wiped off the spit with the back of his hand. His laugh was anything but humorous, clearly forced and fake. His eyes darkened with anger as he looked at you, glaring right back at him.   
  
“You just don’t quit, do ya?” 

The driver side door swung back after Negan pushed it and he stepped out of the driver's side, dragging you behind him. You barely managed to land on your feet and keep yourself from falling as you stumbled behind him. Despite pushing and pulling against his grasp as much as you could, fighting to get free was much more difficult than you had anticipated. He dragged you to the back of the box truck where he struggled to unlock and open the gate but eventually managed. Keeping you restrained and reaching inside the truck proved to be difficult but eventually, he got the item he wanted. You were still struggling against his grasp but the moment you saw zip ties, you stopped struggling as much. This wasn't going to be as difficult as you thought.

As to not raise suspicion, you still struggled as he readjusted your hands so they were now behind your back. Smart. Only idiots zip tie someone’s hands in front of them. Although you wouldn’t vocally admit it - because truly his ego didn't need any more boosting - you were kind of impressed by his avoidance of this simple mistake.

He tightened the ties and released your wrists once you were restrained. That was your cue.   
  
As soon as his hands left your wrists, you began running. You didn’t know where you were going but you just ran. You ran faster than you ever had before. You could get out of the zip ties once you got far away from Negan. That wasn’t your concern right now. The most pressing matter was the possibility of being miles away from home back at Alexandria but figuring it was probably in the opposite direction than the way you were driving, you were going to at least try. You would be damned if you didn’t try to escape this sociopath when you were given the chance.

And you truly did try and had made it fairly far before your lungs were screaming in pain and you couldn’t handle anymore. Your legs gave out from underneath you and you fell to the floor, face against the road as you wheezed and huffed. The rapid rise and fall of your chest strained against the tightness of your binder, making it that much more difficult to breathe. The rocks of the gravel dug into your cheek and you were sure you’d have more scrapes and bruises from that fall but you were too tired to care then.  
  
You laid there for what felt like years before the distant sound of walkers alerted you. Panic quickly set in and you became frantic. Attempting and succeeding to roll onto your stomach and manage to sit up, you were about to try and stand up without falling when you heard a car door slam shut and footsteps nearing you. Just your luck. The footsteps stopped and his boots came into view as he stood next to you. I swift kick to your back made you fall back onto the floor. He smirked at you as you heaved and groaned on the floor before kneeling down to speak,   
“I wonder; should I leave a little snack for the walkers or should I be the stand-up guy I am and put you back in the truck with all the other precious cargo? Decisions, decisions.”

He stroked his beard as he pretended to think over his options. If you knew anything about the kind of person Negan was, you knew he already made his decision before he spoke. Still, you were going to make sure he didn’t leave you there. You’d be damned if you died in such a pathetic fashion.

“You would have gotten kneed in the nuts for no reason if you leave me here. All the struggle of getting me this far would be for nothing. Knocking me out earlier, tying me up, coming back for me, talking to me right now. It would all be for nothing. But if you enjoy wasting your time, by all means. It's your choice."  
  
He stayed kneeled down by your side and let out a breathy laugh. Of course, he did. He thought everything was a goddamn joke. Everything was so hilarious to him.

He was enjoying the humorous aspect of the situation and the sound of the walkers was only getting closer. Fuck it. You figured if you were going to die today, you might as well be a smartass for one last time. So you continued,

“And after you leave me for dead, go home and tell all your ‘saviours’ that some pipsqueak of a guy split your lip and busted your balls. That looks pretty pathetic on your part already but that's not even the best part in my opinion! My favorite part would be when they ask you what you did, if you made me pay for what I did, if you made me suffer, how badly did you torture me? When they ask their great lord and savior Negan reacted to such disrespect, all you can say is you left me for the walkers instead of being a man and killing me yourself. They’ll lose even more respect for you….assuming they have any respect for you in the first place. Come to think of it....Tell me something, Negan. Is it respect or is it just fear?"  
  
The silence in the air had never been so heavy. He knew you were right but you could never be satisfied with just that. You wanted to see if you could push it just a little further,   
"Well, I guess it really doesn't matter. Fear and respect will be fleeting after you back there with me. You won’t be their scary big bad tough leader who takes no shit. You'll be some pussy who can’t kill a stranger who clearly deserves it. Don't tell me you're going soft, old man? Can't murder a guy because you don't have the balls anymore? Is that it? Or is-”   
  
“I liked you better when you were unconscious.”   
He wasn’t laughing anymore. Not even needing to see his face, it was clear he was done talking to you, the agitation evident in the tone of his voice. He had heard enough, deciding to grab you by the back of your jacket and throw you into the passenger seat. You pissed him off and you were more than happy about it. You were beaming actually, the huge smile on your face showing your pride.

He walked around hopped into the back of the truck and was rummaging around for a while. Though you had lost your main chance to escape, you weren’t giving up. Another chance to gain the upper hand again had just presented itself to you and you were not going to waste it.

You turned your back to the passenger door, attempting to quietly open it. The door squeaked for a few seconds and you froze, listening to see if Negan had been alerted or not. He didn’t seem to notice so you continued. When the door opened you slowly turned around and slid out. Not bothering to close the door behind you, your first thought was to make sure the zip ties were tight enough for this to work. Luckily for you, Negan didn’t slack on his restraints and had tightened it so much it almost hurt to move your wrists at all. It really would have been easier if he tied your hands in front of you but you were still capable regardless. You took a deep breath in and with one swift downwards motion, you….did absolutely nothing. You had only done this once before as a practice run but even then it was difficult. Anxiety began to set in and you could feel the dread building in your stomach. Panicking would only make it more difficult. All of your focus went to slowing your breathing before you made another fast downwards motion towards your tailbone. This time the force of the movement finally broke your restraints with a loud snap. The now broken zip tie fell to the floor and you couldn’t help but smile. You actually did it well this time and you were pretty proud of yourself. Even the practice run hadn’t gone this smoothly.

Unfortunately, there was no time to really praise yourself for the accomplishment. You quickly picked up the broken zip tie and got back into the passenger seat, with one of your hands behind your back and the other on the door handle, ready to close it when given the chance.

When the box truck’s gate was slammed closed, you pulled the door shut. The two slams almost aligned, the door only a second behind. It would be suspicious to anyone who had heard it but after quickly putting your hand behind your back to look like you were still tied up, very few would suspect you had even moved an inch. Now that you were in your original position, you figured you had a few seconds as he locked up and walked back to the driver's side. Your eyes frantically scanned the front seat for any weapons but found nothing. His bat was resting on the dashboard but there was no way he wouldn’t notice that missing. His footsteps were approaching and you had to accept this as a loss, plastering on an emotionless expression and leaning back against the seat.

The door slammed as Negan got back into the car. He leaned over and grabbed the seat belt that was next to you, pulling it across your body and buckling it. Your best guess was he wasn’t concerned about your safety but that the seat belt would at least keep you from lunging at him again.

He sighed outwards, “Christ, you’re a pain in the ass. What was your plan anyway? Run all the way back with your hands tied behind your back, no knife no gun. How far did you plan on getting like that?”  
  
“Far enough from you.”   
  
Once again, he laughed. He thought everything was a goddamn joke.   
“Come on now. Don’t be like that. How about a ‘thank you oh so handsome and valiant Negan for saving my life and not leaving me as an undead appetizer’?”

Maybe it was your pride in yourself for having done it. Maybe it was the need to prove to him he wasn’t as amazing as he thought he was. For whatever reason, you stupidly decided to slip your hands out from behind your back and make a show of how free you were by resting with your hands behind your head after stretching your arms out in front of you.  
  
“How about a ‘sorry for tying you up with cheap zip ties and thinking you were too weak and stupid to escape them’ and taking me home instead?”   
  
“You just continue to outdo yourself.”   
  
The fact that he wasn’t going to try and tie you up again was shocking. It wasn’t the first time you had to really question his judgment and intelligence honestly.

Was he truly not concerned? How did he become this powerful despite being this stupid?  
  
As if he read your mind, he quickly and calmly added, “I will kill you if you try something like that again. So I suggest you behave. We’re closer to home than Alexandria anyway.   
  
“ _Alexandria_ is my home,” You scoffed and added emphasis to your voice as you said Alexandria. You’d be damned if you ever called the Sanctuary home.   
  
“Alexandria _was_ your home. It isn’t anymore.”   
  
“Who gave you the power make that decision?”   
  
“I did.”   
  
“You can’t just give yourself power. That’s not how it works.”   
  
“Sure it is! You think I became this by having the backbone of a chocolate eclair? No. I decided I was the leader and people like Rick were too scared to argue. Assigning yourself power is the only way to get what you want, kid. But don’t even think about trying that shit with me. I’m in charge here.”   
  
“You sucking your own cock and stroking your own ego doesn’t mean you have power. You’re just a narcissistic sociopath. You’re nobody. ”   
  
His brow furrowed in frustration but his tone was still slightly humorous when he rhetorically asked, “Do you want to be thrown in the back of the truck? Because I am this close to-”   
  
“Yeah actually! I do want that. Throw me back there where you apparently keep guns because that’s real smart. Isn’t that how Carl killed some of your men and almost killed you last time? Feeling nostalgic, Negan? Wanna recreate that for old times sake?”   
  
A harsh scoff was made in response but he knew you were right. It was a stupid idea and he could have made the same mistake again. His first mistake was driving you back by himself instead of having one of his many Saviours accompany you. If something happened to him, that would be it. If you somehow got the upper hand on him, you could do anything to him and no one could stop you. You could end his life and drive yourself home. That would be it.

Thoughts like that plagued his mind, stealing his focus from the conversation and leaving him with no comeback. He didn’t know you well and clearly had underestimated your capabilities. Realizing he couldn’t be as careless and rely on his the fear he instilled, realizing you may be different petrified him. Thus rendering him silent. Only the crunching of tires rolling against gravel could be heard then.

To make it perfectly clear; You didn’t trust Negan. You would never trust him. If he was your last hope and even the last person on earth, you still could not see yourself ever giving him an ounce of your trust. Having this mindset towards him made the thought of you being unconscious around him for any amount of time made your skin crawl. Not knowing exactly how long you had been out made fear threatened to break you.  
It must have been a couple hours at least? He must not have left right away after knocking you out. The sanctuary isn't more than an hour away. It looked like it was noon, judging by how high the sun was. You must have been out for two to three hours minimum. The things he could have done to you while you were out. The things he could still do to you, conscious or not. He didn't seem to have any morals. Nothing was stopping him from doing the absolute worst to you.

The stories people told about him painted many vivid pictures of his personality and you thought you had him all figured out. While you weren’t entirely right and you still had a lot to learn about him, you weren’t entirely wrong either. His personality was anything but shy and reserved. Negan had killed Glenn and Abraham, kept Daryl captive like a wild animal, kept wives as if they were trophies, and had kidnapped you because he felt like it. He knew all of this was wrong but he found some sort of pleasure in it. If that didn’t make him a sociopath, you didn’t know what would.

But that was just one of his personalities. One of his facades he put on. You had seen him break that cheery character a few times now and knew he had more to him than being a murderous asshole. Not at all in a sentimental and sweet way. No. You couldn’t imagine his other personalities were even slightly positive though. He had more to him alright….but he was not hiding a charmer within his many different layers. You were willing to bet money (if money still had any value anymore) that his other personalities were more unpredictable and psychotic. 

Although while it was truly unfortunate you had landed yourself in this situation with Negan, it was better this way. It was the first time during this entire endeavor that you had realized Carl could have been in your situation. If he had ran downstairs before you did, Carl could be the one in the passenger seat at that moment instead of you. Who knows? Knowing Carl and how he's already been testing Negan's limits, maybe Carl wouldn't have survived this time. 

Even worse, what if he had taken Judith? You'd like to hope Negan wasn't as bad of a person as he seemed and hope that he had enough morals to not hurt a baby but you couldn't fully believe that. She was just an infant. If he decided to hurt her, she couldn't do anything at all to stop him. She'd be absolutely helpless. The thought alone made the dread weigh heavily in your stomach.

But it was okay. She wasn't with Negan. Carl wasn't with Negan. You were and as unhappy as you were in the situation, you could find some peace knowing that at least they were safe at home with Rick, away from Negan for now.

A laugh was held back as you realized you were actually relieved to be in this box truck with this egotistic sociopath. 

Even if you were given the chance to redo that day, you would do everything exactly the same even the whole Negan punching you part. 

Anything to keep your family safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried not to make specify reader's features bc I want any trans dude to be able to insert himself into it. But for the sake of Negan pushing you around, I had to specify that reader is smaller and not as strong as Negan and I really really hope that doesn't ruin the immersion for some readers.  
> I will try not to specify how much stronger or how much bigger Negan is in comparison as to keep it as vague as I can still but I just really hope this is still a fic anyone gives a shit about.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading and sorry this chapter seems a little short. I've been trying to edit this and rewrite this so I could be satisfied with it but even now I'm not 100% pleased with it. I just ran out of energy to keep fussing about it and I really deeply apologize for the poor quality of it. Unfortunately, I'll be beginning college soon and I won't have as much time to write all the fics I am currently writing so please please be patient with me!! As always, kudos are appreciated and comments are absolutely 100% encouraged and adored. Stay stellar, my dudes.


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